small and big why

Two months later, I reappear. Working on a new computer, I am wondering why- why didn't we do this sooner? it's spiffy and fast and - why didn't we buy a new one sooner? I've been hanging around with lots of toddlers who also ask why. Why does the match make a fire? why does the sprinkler get me wet? why doesn't the older boy let me take a turn on the swing? so many good questions. When my young friend W returned home yesterday, he wanted to watch Super Why. (what a great name!) My husband, the scientist, seems to be getting stuck. He's got lots of explanations but none simple enough to help out a three or four year old. A friend of mine and I have been dealing with bigger whys? Why is our friend and colleague dying? why can't the doctors control the pain? why isn't anything working? So i'm left wondering some of the bigger whys this morning- thankful for the brainpower to do it but still wondering why.

work- less

What would it be like to have no work? I know some folks have nothing to do, no actual work to get up for in the morning. I have no idea. Today is frustrating because there is so much to do, projects, assignments, the occasional sermon to be working on. And my mind is simply swimming. But no work? I can't fathom that. Some do though, they get bored, as I was told earlier this week. Can't say I've ever been bored, more the opposite. So with my bathroom leaking into my kitchen, jobs to find, and yardwork always calling, there's always something to do. thankfully, I also have meaningful work- conversations, writing, presentations that engage my heart and my mind. People to interact with. Too many adventures to investigate. I re discovered Matthew Fox's Reinvention of Work as I was donating a bookshelve-ful this week. He writes about just this- the need to reinvent or remember that work is so important. It all counts. God sees it all. So go ahead, get to work!

beautiful tragedy

Today I participated in a "commendation of the dying" service for a friend, colleague, and mentor. It was awful. And beautiful. She has lived a caring, grace- filled life and today, she began the process of dying in that way. We walked through the font, we sang loudly sometimes, and quietly at other times, we prayed. We cried. It was awful. And beautiful. All at the same time. I forget that sometimes we learn more when we're not so much trying to learn. It was like a glorious on- the- way- to -a- funeral time. It was something we all might take on, it was helpful for all of us gathered and for her I think. Since I can't say death frightens me, it was all the more wonderful to watch her step into her new role of teaching the rest of us how to live well. As she always has.

corner blinded

As I mentioned at the last posting, we were some "trials." Just to be clear, I know people have real problems- not enough food or clean water, live on life support, or with a major illness. Goodness, just this week at a very wonderful church we visited, someone shared testimony of how God had gotten her through the shooting death of her 18 year old son. Like I said, real problems!
Normally we're not very self- absorbed. Can I say that and not sound self-absorbed?
Recently, we've been "corner blind", blinded by our problems, not able to see outside of what we perceive as difficult times. This past week we essentially severed a professional relationship. This was not easy, not fun, nor without lost sleep. It's a difficult thing to do to sever a relationship. We felt odd and uneasy for several weeks but we are now able to sleep. And thank God that God's given guidance in how to deal with our problems. We continue to hold those folks in prayer for all the work they do.
And hopefully, we can continue to receive guidance about how we live our lives to be a blessing to others, not getting stuck on our corner of the world.

planes that never get off the ground

Thanks to Allison Krauss for the title of today's post. Yes, it seems this week we've had some planes and plans that just don't get off the ground. Adoption continues to be painstakingly slow. Confusing and difficult. But today I'm at the computer because Hubby is not working from home today and trying to get some plans together for a trip to Denver- some work, some fun, some family, some free house remodeling. Ah, but it's been a journey trying to get many schedules to coordinate at just. the. right. time. Very tricky when dealing with transportation and soccer games. I just hope that our plane does get off the ground. Looking forward to some sunshine. And to see some faces that brighten my spirit.

windy, no sun

Yes, it is incredibly windy today. and just last week the sun shone for about 5 minutes, after at least a week of no sun. at. all. Our lives have been windy too. Lots of change. Adoption things click along, some progress. Not much but we'll take it.

Last week's shootings at Northern Illinois hit closer to home. A windy moment for many- feeling untethered, at loose ends. I say it hits close to home because I know one of the campus pastors and several students at NIU. Also, it reminds me of Columbine when I was living just down the road from the high school then. Please what's with the guns? And the terror it strikes into those close and those far away. I pray these shootings would stop. Then, I pray we'll never get so overexposed tothese tragedies that we become permanently numb to people's pain.

It is windy today. Wind always changes things though. My hope and prayer is that wind blows through the NIU campus, and the Wind blows in the hearts and minds of all those this has touched. I'm reminded of the Lutheran bishop's (Gary Wollersheim) remark on that cold windy night they gathered for the first memorial. "We kept relighting each other's candles as we sang Amazing Grace. That's what we're supposed to do for each other, help light each other's candles again when they can't."
Windy today.

primary eve

The phone continues to ring off the hook, I'm trying to start dinner. Just got a mini-sermon message as the recorded greeting asked us to vote for Obama. The calls just keep coming! What must it have been like in Iowa in January.
Another (un)related story. We tried a new church yeseterday and we're pleased to find a slightly integrated congregation small, but teeming young kids. Well, we looked at each other, did we find something interesting? Then the lady began to speak, later to preach. Okay, I get to say something here since I am a lady preacher. She. was. bad. Bad. slow, no passion, but political. Started out about transfiguration but I got lost in all the mish-mash. Be clear, lady! Say something you believe in! Seems like I got a better, more impassioned, more focused sermon on my answering machine tonight. I thought the preachers weren't supposed to be political but they sometimes do a good job of dancing the line. I th0ught politicians weren't preachers but, hmm, maybe some are!